. amanda .
. 24th Nov '88 .
. Sagittarus .
. NYPian .
. [AF 0501] .
. ex-SACian .
. ex-SJCian .
. ex-MJCian .
a b o u t ;
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Saturday, May 21, 2005
HAPPY BDAY MUM...!! sigh..im suppose 2 say dis 2 her..but sth is holdin mi back..my pride? or it feel awkward? sigh..every yr im so dreadin dis..i feel so dam bad..y? y cant my r/s wif her b well? y do i always upset her wif my action n my words? argh..im gg crazy soon..!! i didnt get her anyting..didnt noe wat 2 get her..yes i noe its e tot tt counts even if she dun use it..but haix..i dun noe i wanted 2 get sth meaningful... baby said he wanted 2 wish my mum happy bday.. how swt of him..if onli my mum noe how much he cares 4 mi..how come she onli c tings fr her pt of view? im so torned.. i wan 2 call him now 2 say he can wish my mum le..but i haf a feelin she will blame mi 4 sayin her bday..cos she is juz so weird..she say lata when others noe abt their bday will do curse or sth like tt 2 us.. argh..! my head is crackin..so painful..
its rainin now.. dad scolded mi cos i didnt close e window.. he said," you ar..useless de..." those words killed my heart.. den when i gt close window im runnin rushin 2 close them.. he nv say anyting.. mayb cos im already in bad mood dis few days.. those words affected mi more.. sometimes i feel so bad abt writin my life on e net..but haix.. dis few days writin abt how they hurt mi..but not abt how i hurt them.. haix.. im always in e middle even in tots.. n its drivin mi crazy..!! its like everyting i do seem 2 b wrong.. will some1 plz tell mi wat shld i do?! haix..
baby has been so wst 2 mi dis few days.. he understands mi more.. *huggies.. if onli my parents knew how much he cares not like wat they all say.. if onli they noe how much i need him by my side..its been him hu kept mi gg all dis time.. mayb i shld not depend on him so much.. but im hooked.. how can i juz let go of 27+++mths of my life juz like tt mum..? im not a person hu has no heart or feelings..it hurts 2 treat u all like tt oso..im strugglin oso..
hu will hear my silent cries..?
thinking of you @ 2:27 PM
wishing for--*
* new tops/ bottoms/ jumper
* nail polish
* new highlights for hair
* new heels
* new diary (notebook)
* have a beta 2007
* be more decisive
movie list--*
happy feet
open season
Night at the Museum
charlotte's web
eragon
= the holiday =
curse of e golden flower
= zodiac =
= TMNT =
= Ghost Rider =
= Spider Man 3 =